a lie is way better than the truth!

Is it too much to ask for a little bit of understanding to my mental status now?!!!!!!

I don't want your sympathy! I don't want your pity! I don't want you to freaking tell me "come ooooon, it's the truth"! you think I don't know the truth???!!! Or worse "you brought it on yourself"!!! #ShootMe

lie to me!

I am serious..lie to me!

am not stupid, I can tell that you are lying and you know that I understand that clearly...so why not?! It's definitely better than the ugly truth!

For the first time in my life, I can't be happy.. I can't "feel" happy.. or pretend that everything is going to turn out "just" great because it effin' isn't! I am drowned into a deep state of depression that writing here is all I have left!

If you are not going to make me "feel" happy, don't bother talking! Don't make it worse! You awe me, at least, this much.

a lie is way better than the truth!

Trying Out AMP..

I don't know what was I thinking but I decided to try an energy drink yesterday. And since I already tried "Red Bull" before but hated how it tasted, a friend recommended what so called: AMP Energy Drink. She said: it tastes a little bit like Mountain Dew:D Just to make it clear, I never tried them before because I don't like the idea behind them. They are unhealthy...Boost the body with hundreds of thousands of calories with no nutritional value, not to mention their side effects, aaaaaand health is valuable:) But I guess I was desperate to stay awake and study. Besides, what's life if not about experimenting B-)!!

Anyway, It was 1:30 am. It took me around half an hour to finish the "not-so-tasty" drink. Since it was my first time, I was taking very careful sips and waiting for it to hit XD but it didnt really happen:-S I couldn't force myself to stay awake for more than 2.5 hours afterwards. However, I couldn't sleep either!! I felt really tired and in need to rest but i was awake till 6 am,,exhausted,,with a terrible headache (not my usual frontal lobe headache but in both the frontal and temporal lobes) ,, and a compressing pain in my heart. Couldn't raise my head so decided to skip my morning classes.

Now am out of my 11 o'clock exam and i still feel very irritable and my heart still hurts. To say the truth, i've been having insomnia for this whole week for no specific reason and I always have trouble waking up in the morning, so am not very sure what that drink had done to me, in case it did anyway, but surely, am not this irritable usually. That takes a lot of effort.

And a singing bird doesn't usually make me scream for it to shut up:-S!!!

Trying Out AMP..

Me the stupid me

I hate perineum!!!!

hate it hate it hate it..

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

:'(

after 3 hours doing this stupid perineum that seemed to last forever, i feel am reading it for the first time...

its like i never studied it b4,,,it sucks.

and u know wt?? I can't solve ANY of the questions about it either!!!

my final exam is 2moro and its 12:10 am...i still need to do embryology:-(but i can't go farther if i don't know a thing in this stupid peice of garbage:-(

the finals are my only hope to not sink in human structure ocean,,,but now....i think the result is clear:'''(

Me the stupid me

Where is the problem??

since i moved to so7ar, and my grades are going down and down!!! Damn i can't get more than 80% in human structure!!!
its not a mistake..its 80 not 90!!!
i hate it...

this quiz was the easiest, the easiest, and the easiest... but i messed up a lot and a lot!!!
i know that i didnt prepare well for it...
i just didnt want to study!

i lost interest in studying despite the fact that i havent been studying a lot in the past couple of years!
i dnt think am no longer interested in medicine,,cz i am....but i just want to go away from everything around me.

and its not about the environment in so7ar that made me fell like that cz i've been wishing to study and move here since i was a kid..

its just sad..i pitty myself...and i dnt seem to be able to fix it.

Where is the problem??