A New Beggining

Yesterday, I was sitting with my dear friend in the lecture hall after classes. We were just playing inserting some fake information in my laptop account. Actually, she was the one creative enough to think of funny things to write and I was the boring partner who just listens:-D

Anyway, she asked me to write some notes about me, and I opened one of my saved messeges that she sent me about a year ago describing my personality. To my surprise, we both couldn't see "me" in that messege!

It wasn't like that in the past. I remember that when she first sent me the msg, I was surprised how much she knew me in a very short period of time (since we are only friends for a year). It was true what she wrote there. She said things like: focused, positive, fighter, thinker, responsible, creative, wise, and many others. All of which was true at that time,,,its just that I can no longer see my self the way she described me..the way I liked myself, the way she liked me, and the way people around liked me!!!!

How did I change to the opposite of all that in just a year???and most importantly, why???

The moment she told me that am a complete opposite NOW to what i used to be before made me think a lot about it.I did change a lot but its not a good change sadly.

I actually had times since last year thinking about the person I am right now. It really gave my friend a headache when i used to talk about it. She used to say: stop crying over who you were and just be one!! Don't waste your time complaining that you no longer the same GOOD person, and just be! Don't think about it, just do it!

The problem is I don't know HOW I turned out like that so I can reverse the process.. I just hope that focusing in my studies would help me a lot cz one of the major things I lost is my self confidence...I really miss it and I do need it..

She is right..I can go on and on complaining and crying over the lost me but I can also make a change..

She asked me last month on my birthday about my top 3 wishes for this year but I didn't answer her..This would be my top wish..

So, am going to do what she said: just be one.

END

A New Beggining

Scattered Thoughts

Its Sunday, 12:55 pm, and am sitting in the lecture hall in my second day of school after a week of holiday, and so many things are running throughout my brain (srry :-S it's: throughout my mind...I don't think i'll be blamed to use the word"brain" instead of "mind" after the neurobiology course;-) ).

Anyway, starting with my holiday, it was simply awful!


It all started with me sitting in Sohar on Wednesday waiting for my family to come for the weekend (cz am originally from Sohar). However, because the next Tuesday and Wednesday were announced to be a prophets birth day holiday, they decided to come only for the holiday. By the time I got to know the change in their plans, everyone who was supposed to go Muscat (where my family lives) on Wed has gone already:-(

This way I was stuck in Sohar without my parents, brothers, or sisters when am finally having a holiday!!!And just to notice, I didnt go to Muscat for over 2 months during the neuro course!!


Anyway, I went on Friday but because of the upcoming prophet holiday, I only stayed there till Monday and came back with my family to spend the holiday at my hometown!

I didn't do any of the things I planned to do, which include: reading 4 books; two Arabic and two English books, practice solving 2 of the USMLEs exams( United States Medical Licensing Examination) to refresh my memory, learning few bits of photoshop( which I know nothing about at all!), visiting my friend at SQU, and finding a dress for my cousin's wedding. It's not that I didn't have time to do so, but when I felt that my plan was destroyed, I just couldn't adjust it, or was so pissed of the changes that I didnt feel like doing anything at all:-S

Moreover, my little 3 year old cousin came from Muscat with her dad to stay under my supervision for the holiday. I AM SO BAD WITH KIDS!She wakes up at 9 in the morning and I don't even hear her cry!And what would I do at 9???i am in a holiday people!!

And once, i was feeling really hot so i turned on the AC at night and the next morning, my little cousin mimi (as every1 calls her) was sick:-S

And another once;-), i was watching tv and she was playing next to me, and just after a whole hour, i noticed that she was not there! I looked in the house and didn't find her:-(

i went outside, looked in the nearby houses cz as a family, we stay next to each other, and found her with my aunt. Ofcourse, every1 knew that i lost her:-S

i can still remember my mother's blaming looks when she looked at me the minute she knew!

It just simply was a bad holiday,,not to mention that the house was full of people because of the holiday ,and thereby noisy, that you can't even find peace in your own room cz its occupied till 12am with people!!

I thought am gonna have a lot of fun coz the neuro was tiring,,not in terms of studying as I didn't do much but in terms of content. I do remember many things from the course (like the application part) but i think am lacking so many small bits of info that i REALLY need to know. One of my friends was telling me that even if she passed the course, she would ask the course director to do it again in summer cz she didn't get the knowledge she should have. Now, i feel that it might actually be a good idea to do so. After all, spending my summer vacation in college can be a real punishment , or encoragement for me to do better next times.

Anyway, I just finished preparing a study time table for human fuction course that will last for 4 months. This course is not going to be easy at all and I don't want to ignore it like I did for the other previous courses. I arranged to study with a new study partner, someone who is not my friend, cz studying with my friends is the last thing I would ever think of again for the rest of my life!! We always end up speaking about all sorts of topics other than studies!

I hope it goes well this time and hope also to enjoy the course!

Pray for me^_^

Scattered Thoughts