Yesterday, I was sitting with my dear friend in the lecture hall after classes. We were just playing inserting some fake information in my laptop account. Actually, she was the one creative enough to think of funny things to write and I was the boring partner who just listens:-D
Anyway, she asked me to write some notes about me, and I opened one of my saved messeges that she sent me about a year ago describing my personality. To my surprise, we both couldn't see "me" in that messege!
It wasn't like that in the past. I remember that when she first sent me the msg, I was surprised how much she knew me in a very short period of time (since we are only friends for a year). It was true what she wrote there. She said things like: focused, positive, fighter, thinker, responsible, creative, wise, and many others. All of which was true at that time,,,its just that I can no longer see my self the way she described me..the way I liked myself, the way she liked me, and the way people around liked me!!!!
How did I change to the opposite of all that in just a year???and most importantly, why???
The moment she told me that am a complete opposite NOW to what i used to be before made me think a lot about it.I did change a lot but its not a good change sadly.
I actually had times since last year thinking about the person I am right now. It really gave my friend a headache when i used to talk about it. She used to say: stop crying over who you were and just be one!! Don't waste your time complaining that you no longer the same GOOD person, and just be! Don't think about it, just do it!
The problem is I don't know HOW I turned out like that so I can reverse the process.. I just hope that focusing in my studies would help me a lot cz one of the major things I lost is my self confidence...I really miss it and I do need it..
She is right..I can go on and on complaining and crying over the lost me but I can also make a change..
She asked me last month on my birthday about my top 3 wishes for this year but I didn't answer her..This would be my top wish..
So, am going to do what she said: just be one.
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